Supermodel’s Account of Post-Marital Dating Sparks Controversy
Supermodel Emily Ratajkowski is facing criticism for an essay detailing her experiences dating in the months following her divorce. In a candid piece, Ratajkowski reflected on embracing a whirlwind dating life while navigating her new role as a single mother.
The model filed for divorce in September 2022, concluding a four-year marriage amid widespread reports of alleged infidelity by her then-husband, Sebastian Bear-McClard. Ratajkowski described the birth of their son, Sylvester, as a “violent transition” into a reality marked by sleepless nights and the demands of motherhood.
“And then, in a time period that felt both instant and excruciatingly slow, my marriage collapsed,” she recalled in an essay published by The Cut. “Six months after my son was born, my husband and I stopped having sex. Less than a year later, we separated.”
Seeking Reassurance Amidst New Identity
Ratajkowski admitted that her post-divorce dating endeavors were not primarily aimed at finding a new romantic partner. Instead, she sought something more immediate: validation of her desirability as a single mother.
“What I wanted was his attention: I wanted to feel a man’s desire and to be reminded that I was a sexual being, not just a mother of a toddler,” Ratajkowski wrote. This search for reassurance, she explained, soon evolved into what she characterized as a period of compulsive dating.
“I wish I could say I’d started to date slowly — that there was some period of grief or reflection as a newly single person, a healthy pause before my mania — but the truth is just a week after my split, I found myself in Brooklyn, a shell-shocked and sleepless version of myself, wearing what seemed to me like the kind of outfit a girl who goes on dates wears, a crop top and black pants that all of my friends had approved via a mirror selfie, sitting across from a DJ,” she noted. “Of course a DJ. Always a DJ.”
A Catalogue of Encounters
Ratajkowski detailed that prior to her separation, she had limited sexual experience. She recounted never having a one-night stand or sleeping with someone the same day she met them, noting she had only been intimate with eight people in her life.
She went on to describe the men she dated in New York as “uniquely disturbed characters from man hell.” Her recollections included a “Vegan Graffiti Artist with impeccable posture,” a “Chef who thought he might have chlamydia,” a “Spanish Gen-Zer who couldn’t stop sending me nudes,” a “heavily self-medicated Son of a Billionaire with questionable politics,” several Italians, and, predictably, “another DJ.” She humorously added that the list continues but omitted further details “for legal reasons.”
Early Fears of Single Motherhood
The model revealed that her apprehension about becoming a single mother was deeply ingrained from her youth. “Even as a kid, I reasoned that of all the things I could grow up to be, it was crucial to avoid becoming a single mom,” Ratajkowski said. “The term itself could be lodged as an insult. Having a child with the wrong man was the fastest way to ruin your life as a woman — it meant having no freedom, no choices, no emergency exit. All baggage and no security.”
Crafting a New Persona
Rather than succumb to these insecurities, Ratajkowski stated she consciously crafted a new persona. “The character I’d learned to embody after my divorce, in my period of compulsively dating, was a villain: Poison Ivy. Catwoman. Sexual but scary. And she drank gin martinis. Many, many gin martinis,” Ratajkowski explained. “She was not tragic. Nothing close to a victim. No one needed to feel sorry for her. In fact, they should all be jealous.”
She elaborated on this transformation: “‘Divorced single mom?’ What about, instead, ‘a woman who needs nothing from men?’ I already had the kid and the motherhood experience so many of my friends secretly coveted while pretending to date casually,” she said. “I had no illusions about the romance of marriage or a shared life together. I’d learned the hard way that being alone was better than most partnerships. I’d seen too much, discovered what many women do only when they get divorced in their mid-40s. I’d lived through the failure of a unit, yet I was barely into my 30s. This was my villain origin story.”
Public Reaction and Criticism
Ratajkowski’s candid reflections drew significant backlash on social media. Critics voiced their disapproval, with many deeming her comments out of touch and insulting to single mothers facing genuine hardship.
“So out of touch and insulting to single mothers who are truly struggling every day just to survive,” one user commented on the publication’s Instagram post. Another echoed this sentiment, writing, “Cue all of us single mothers (young and old) rolling our eyes…”
Commenters questioned the perceived struggles of a supermodel, with one user stating, “Is this a joke or something? A supermodel single mom in her tough struggles lol… I’m sure every man and woman was reaching out to help her everyday.” The user further contrasted Ratajkowski’s experience with that of financially struggling single mothers, suggesting a need for stories with more “real depth and grit.”
Others criticized the perceived disconnect between Ratajkowski’s experiences and those of the general public: “Rich people trying to extrapolate something about their outlandish experiences as ‘truth’ for the rest of us,” another comment read. “Read the room, lady.” The accompanying image of Ratajkowski breastfeeding a baby doll also drew criticism, with one commenter calling it “sick, and not in the good way sick.”
Appreciation for Honesty
However, not all reactions were negative. Some users expressed appreciation for Ratajkowski’s openness. “Love that she’s honest & real abt this part of her life. Most wouldn’t admit it,” one user stated.
Another commenter defended the model: “But to the haters- just STOP! She is brave, a woman, on her own, as a single mom- we ALL have our own story! And go single moms everywhere but especially in NYC.” Others simply shared their admiration, with one user writing, “God I love @emrata,” and another stating, “Oh I am so here for this.”
The True Lesson of Divorce
Ultimately, Ratajkowski suggested that the most profound lesson from her divorce had little to do with dating. She recalled a conversation with her attorney who told her, “You should be proud of yourself. Most women don’t leave.”
“I left his office that day with an unexpected gift: a new kind of understanding of myself. Leaving my marriage wasn’t about seeking anyone’s attention or approval,” she said. “It was the opposite.”
Ratajkowski concluded that the decision to leave her marriage was “a hard choice that came with a lot of pain and at a great cost.” She reflected, “Becoming a single mother changed the way people looked at me, exactly as I’d feared it would. But it also allowed me to finally see myself. I wasn’t left; I left. I knew then that being able to leave, to say ‘no,’ was the only real superpower I’d gained through divorce. I was brave. Really, actually brave.”
